Journal of Experimental Neurology, Vol. 1, No. 1, 1-10 (2008) DOI: 10.1177/0891988712323784
The Direct Interchangeability of Non-REM Sleep and Caloric Consumption for Maintenance of Physiological and Neurological Function
Daniel P. Slowey, PhD*, MD**
Abstract: The statistical data gleaned through several weeks of rigorous clinical (self-)study has confirmed the author's hypothesis that there is a direct interchangeability between the number of hours of sleep and the number of calories required for maintenance of baseline motor skills and behavioral function in (physically) healthy adult males.
Specifically, the author has discovered that for every marginal hour of non-REM sleep lost, he needs only to increase his total caloric intake the next day by approximately 370 calories in order to remain technically alive. This relationship holds true as hours of sleep decrease past zero into negative values. For instance, although last night he slept -2 hours, since 6 am this morning, he has eaten ~2700 calories and is feeling astonishingly good. He also realized that he is able to control computers (and other electronics) using only his mind and actually typed this article just by thinking about it.
Key Words: sleep - brain - calories - baseline motor skills - (physically) healthy adult males
*Currently enrolled in the University of Phoenix Online PhD program with degree (Criminal Justice) anticipated May 2014
**Currently applying to various medical schools with matriculation hoped for in September 2009
15 comments:
hahaha oh my god. genius. absolute hilarity. definitely your best yet.
hah. muchas gracias. i figured you'd like the format.
I would like to see you venture into territory that would be more medically beneficial in life and death situations.
i would like to see you mind your own business and leave the research decisions to the medical professionals.
ps - not a bad idea
Hot damn, son. A lawyer and a doctor. Are you also a ninja??
no, but i will have my cosmetology license by this time next year.
I guess that's an impressive enough find for a future doc, although I did happen to stumble across the cure for smallpox myself. Regrettably, I wrote it down on a piece of paper and was mugged in my carriage that same day by some guy named Jenner (yes, I am well over 100 yrs. old).
Mad props on University of Arizona Online- the t.v. and internet ads equate it to stanford and yale for a reasonable price. Everybody wins!
mild mannered lawyer/doctor/cosmetologist by day...
Ninja assassin by night.
You're life is full and exciting, unlike my own...
Krissy
kg,
was 'jenner' actually 'bruce jenner?' maybe it's not fair, but that guy's always struck me as the type who'd have no problem committing a spallpox cure carriage robbery.
plus he's gotta be 150 years old himself.
krissy,
if you did a cosmetology correspondence course, your life could be full and exciting too.
It was actually meant to be Edward Jenner, the "inventor" of the small pox vaccine, but Bruce Jenner would probably be down for idea robberies (reality t.v. changes people, I hear).
And I know it wasn't on this particular blog, but it is sufficiently creepy that someone would be in your apartment and leave such obvious examples of their illicit access. My vote is bob vila.
haha. whoops, i guess that's why i didn't do so well in ap history in high school.
as for the bob vila break-in, i kinda feel like the fact that he just stopped by to take a leak makes it somehow less creepy. like maybe it was an emergency and he never would've done it otherwise.
It was my bad- way too obscure of a reference. I only knew him because of a high school history project.
Or maybe he has a fixation with using other people's toilets without them knowing he's been there otherwise. You could have a sexual deviant on your hands...
kate,
no need to apologize for any type of obscure reference. or to pretend that you don't have an edward jenner poster on your bedroom wall.
ps - you're right, i probably shouldn't be cutting quite so much slack to a break-and-enter urinator.
J.D.-
No Way! How could you assume that I have a Jenner poster on my wall? I am far too cool and sophisticated for that. I really only have a Jenner bathroom rug, and if some broken celebrity or tree-being profaned that sweet thieving face with wood chips, I would give them smallpox. But that's just me.
man. you're clearly not to be trifled with.
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