illustrated classics: a weekend in new york

before we get started, if you don't know what illustrated classics are, drop everything, go here, order three or four (i'd recommend h.m.s. bounty, count of monte cristo, and robin hood for starters), read them, and then come on back. most of the time when i make an allusion, it's quite nerdy and is largely for my own amusement. this time, even though both descriptors still apply, i'm going to have to ask you to get fully on board. thanks.

anyway, so i got back pretty late sunday night from my trip to new york. here are a few photographs i took or forced other people to take along the way.

(friday, about to depart for hartsfield-jackson, freshly touched up and ready to dance.)

(i used to think that the only people who walked into the opposite sex's restroom were total idiots. actually, i guess i still think that.)

(i'm not sure if i think the woman on delta's flashy new pre-flight safety video is creepy or sexy. maybe both. i am sure that if this image became the new universal women's restroom sign in place of that skirted silhouette nonsense, there'd be a whole lot less confusion out there.)

(felipe lopez, my gracious host, in his new bachelor pad in brooklyn. for those of you keeping score at home, that's one photograph, two wild stallions. ps - how incredible is his 4-eyed tiger shirt? (so incredible.))

(here i'm just introducing myself to felipe's apartment with a 24-karat jumpkick handshake. this only took three takes and i only sprained one ankle. ps - if you didn't duck when it first popped up on your screen, you should probably have a physician check your reflexes.)

(some girl at the radiohead concert was apparently trying to upstage me with her (feeble) silver shoes. you might be on the medal podium with me, missy, but they're playing my national anthem.

(this picture isn't good for much except to prove that i was somewhere with bright purple lighting.)

(and bright green lighting. at least the downtown skyline is off to the right in this one, so it proves i was somewhere near new york with bright green lighting.)

(minus 10 points for having brighter gold shoes than me. plus 150 points for having gold shoes in the first place. plus an additional 50 for taking me to an amazing arepas place. +190 is an awesome score for a month; for a day it's nearly unheard of.)

(the much-renowned and extraordinarily reclusive food&pantsman, standing outside the flushing restaurant that was about to serve me one of the 5 greatest meals of my life.)

(appetizers: dan-dan noodles with minced pork (l); cold jellyfish chengdu style (r) (i'm guessing "chengdu" means "fancy and awesome" in mandarin). on my notoriously harsh 10-point scale, i'd put the dan-dan noodles at an 8.0 and the jelly at a 9.25.)

(simply one of the most delightful culinary experiences of my life: dried sauteed bitter melon. it tasted like a cross between bell peppers, cantaloupe rind, avocado, heroin, and ambrosia. 9.75.)

(the main entree: fish with fresh hot pepper. there's nothing to say except this was the most delicious crackly toasted red pepper i've ever tasted in my life. astonishingly good. 9.5. not pictured: the other entree we ordered, chinese mushroom with beef stomach. why not pictured: we never got it. why not: no idea. when we asked the waitress about it, i think she misunderstood something, because she looked worried and brought the manager to talk to us, at which point we definitely misunderstood something, because the manager was smiling and said "ready" but that obviously wasn't the case. i don't even care. i'm giving the mushroom and stomach a 7.5 anyway, just as a goodwill gesture.)

(i'd just like to say that two guys have to be pretty confident in their heterosexuality to be walking down the street drinking bubble tea together. while sharing an umbrella. and holding hands.)

(sunday, on my way to jfk, freshly scuffed up and ready for some runway delays.)