(in case you have a low-resolution monitor or are just generally bad with image interpretation, the dog on the right is wearing a skirt.)i'm not really that into dogs. it's not that i actively dislike them or refuse to be pleasant towards them or anything like that. it's just that, generally speaking, they don't do a whole lot for me.
however - and this is a big however - there are certain instances in which it's absolutely essential that i at least pretend to be interested in them. such instances include: (i) when i'm on an elevator (or in some similarly confined area), and someone's dog is sniffing, licking, humping, or trying to eat some part of my body; (ii) when i'm running from the police and a k-9 unit is chasing me down; and (iii) when the dog's leash is attached to an attractive female (human's) hand.
now, regarding (iii), and to a much lesser extent, (i), it'd be quite handy to be able to meaningfully comment on the animal in question without sounding like an idiot or insulting its owner.
problem 1(a): unless i'm totally missing something, the only way to do this with a dog with an unknown name is by using a gendered pronoun (ex: "oh wow, he's fancy," "look how smart she is," etc.).
problem 1(b): dogs typically aren't dressed in gender-specific clothing, and i'm not comfortable crocodile dundee-ing the poor things.
problem 1(c): any attempt to verbally ascertain the dog's sex will be offensive or awkward. or both.
don't believe me? check out these examples:
"aww, what's its name?" - (spazzy owners are offended by the use of "it," and if the dog's name is gender-neutral, the question doesn't get you any useful information anyway.).
"is it a boy or a girl?" - (nice and direct, no risk of having to deal with an ambiguous name like "blinky" or "sparkles," but the "it" problem remains.).
"wow, look at this little cutie/bundle of energy/special little buddy/etc." - (avoids addressing gender entirely, avoids the use of "it," but makes you sound like - oh, i don't know - scott hamilton? plus, it seems like a follow-up line would still be necessary, and that just takes the whole thing right back to square one.).
we could continue this list, of course, but i'm going to assume that you've gotten the point by now. anyway, if you have any suggestions or advice, for the love of all that's good, spread the wealth.
16 comments:
How about "What is the dog's name?" This avoids certain problems although it inevitably brings up others. For instance, "the dog" sounds rather impersonal. Also, the question may merit offense for bringing up the fact that the creature/being/person is, in fact, a dog. In other words, it sounds as if you're implying "it's only a dog."
Also - as a side note - you have become quite a fan of the hyphenated clause. Good for you.
how about you try out "what is the dog's name?" for a few weeks and get back to me on the results. i'll set the over under on people who even bother to respond to you at 2.
thanks for noticing - you really are quite observant - it's something i've been working on with my writing coach.
honestly, if the dog is attached to an attractive lady-friend, do you really care what she named her dog? I am guessing that 9 times out of 10 you are not listening to her response.
So long as the dog does not attack you and you started a conversation, you won.
haha, i love how you're keeping your eye on the prize.
i just don't feel like i've started a conversation if my performance consists of saying something dumb and getting slobbered on.
You could address the dog--"Hey buddy! What's your name?"
Kookie dog people love stuff like that. But then all you've accomplished is making a good impression on a kookie dog person. Non-kooks will just think you're weird for trying to engage a dog in conversation.
SamWard
genius, all around.
If you say- "My dog has just died his name was(insert name of choice)" you have not only made the owner feel obligated to tell you their dog's name but also elicited some free sympathy.(I also find that weeping uncontrollably adds to the effect).
these last two comments have made me like 300% smarter.
i'm guessing there's a particular dog -owner that sparked this entry...hmm? my advise is don't waste your time. if you are trying to hit on a girl with a dog but dogs "don't do a whole lot" for you, then i think you may be doomed from the beginning. she will inevitably discover your indifference to her beloved pet and you will inevitably resent him/her for getting more attention from his/her attractive owner. your mission is futile, my friend.
haha. i swear, this is an entirely academic question.
besides, even if it weren't, you really think it's impossible to sneak past the pooch in the attention hierarchy?
ha! if you have to ask, you have no idea what you're in for.
i believe you underestimate my commitment to getting attention.
I love dogs and tend to ask the owner "What's your baby's name?" You could do this and said hot chick would think 1) you respect that a dog is not just a dog but a part of the family and 2)that you are a dog-lover.
But then again, I'm one of those idiots that is seen cooing over dogs at the local Starbucks. But I think this is perfectly acceptable when you're a girl. :)
haha. 'what's your baby's name?'
i'm going to sumbit that hypothetical 'hot chick' would think 3) that she needs to stop walking her dog in public.
Just offer to let the dog sniff your hand (if they haven't already, um, jumped past the formalities), and say, "hey, what's your name?" and then look up at the owner. Easy, and works. Oh, and no matter how *ahem* adorable and persuasive you are, you'll never get above the dog in the hierarchy if she's a major dog lover--just won't happen.
Oh, and if a booty call ensues, be prepared to have furry company in the room. I personally keep the dog or cat out, but some major dog girls won't keep their "baby" out. Of course, the dog could just keep busy humping a pillow or something. ;)
this is definitely the best suggestion so far.
of course, it's still vulnerable to the could-go-either-way name problem, and would require me to pretend-talk to an animal.
i'l try it.
ps - "major dog girls" is one the most hilarious and horrifying terms of all time.
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