So apparently dogs are as smart at 2-year-old children.
While I'm not much surprised by this discovery - that seems the standard age bracket for creatures that respond to simple verbal stimuli, take multiple naps a day, and poop wherever they want - I am surprised by how most news sources seem to be treating it as an affirmation of canine intelligence.
Why? Well, I'm not sure it's possible to phrase this delicately enough to avoid sounding like a jerk, so I guess I'll just go ahead and say it:
2-year-old children are not smart.
At all.
They're cute, and funny, and fun, but they are not smart.
Just off the top of my head, here's a list of things that I would not be comfortable having a 2-year-old child do for me:
1. Be my best friend
2. Guard my house
3. Bring my newspaper in from the driveway
4. Pull my sled
5. Herd my cattle
Dogs, of course, are asked to do these things all the time.
So what's going on here? Should dogs be offended that we're impressed that they're this dumb? Should toddlers be offended that they aren't given more household responsibilities? Should ToddlerDog be offended that this picture will follow him around for the rest of his life?
I think probably yes to all three. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to beat play my two-year-old cousin in chess.
**Disclaimer: I very much like dogs, toddlers, naps, and freestyle pooping, and nothing in this post should be interpreted to indicate otherwise
7 comments:
First, why is there a ball in front of toddler dog?
Second, Why does such a thing as toddler dog exist?
BK
Ha! I wonder how much money they spent researching this. I guess Canadians don't have much else to do.
When my daughter Harper** was around 2, my husband and I remarked all the time at how she was becoming as smart as a dog. Compared to where she'd been prior to that, it was actually pretty impressive. Now she's 8, and I still wouldn't let her guard our house or pull our sled.
On a fairly unrelated note, she also has lice right now (disgusting, I know), so she seems even more like a dog to me.
**Since I don't want to seem like one of the "ceaselessly-trumpeting" parents of Harpers Averys and Madisons you referred to in your Great Prince post, I'm resisting the urge to tell you how smart and funny she is.
did you know a two year old's brain weighs 1,120g(male)/1,040g(female)? that's 80% of it's adult size.
Eh, I think my dog's smarter than a two-year-old, but then again, I don't have kids to compare. Judging from my extended family's kids though, my dog is still smarter.
::I hope "freestyle pooping" will not be a tag used frequently::
I once had a beagle that could open child safety locks! Yep, opened the garbage cupboard and ate everything. We had it put to sleep, so this is actually a very sad story.
Note: It was put to sleep for snacking on small children as well as garbage...
BK - First and second, I have no idea.
Roscoe Jenkins - Poutine.
sami - Any child who obtains head lice is obviously doing at least something right. One Name Exemption is hereby issued.
Molly - And a bowling ball weighs a lot more than that. Where are we going with this?
Anonymous - Have no fear.
Maria - Even I can't open child-safety locks. Your dog was a genius.
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