I don't like Christmas carols. I don't care if that makes me a Grinch; your mom is a Grinch. And a Scrooge too.
I don't like Christmas carols. They're pushy and sappy and corny, and I don't much care for being pushed or sapped or corned. Especially when it's 11 degrees outside and the clouds are inventing new forms of matter for the sole purpose of spewing the water versions all over me.
So what do I like about this time of year, then, assuming there's anything at all?
Well, I think you know One Thing. But That's not quite ready to be officially discussed yet. Soon. Very soon.
The other thing I actually do like about this time of year, though, is the lights. But not the spazzy, blinky, melt-the-Ice-9-off-your-roof abominations. The regular old simple lights, elegant and classy. The white ones are great, and if I'm sticking with that awful "elegant and classy" line, they should probably be my favorite, but I am and they're not. I like the multicolored ones the best.
Should you have been on the receiving end of last year's One Thing, this should come as no large surprise.
I actually like the multicolored lights so much that, ever since my college days (when it was at least moderately acceptable and not too dreadfully tacky), I've tried to install them, indoors, in at least one room of wherever I've lived.
Now, just in time to raise my spirits for the creation of this year's One Thing, I've assembled my favorite (non-wearable) (and extra-tacky) display yet.
Behold, I give you: The Holiday Tr--
Wait. That's not quite right.
This is a year-round display, and is affiliated with no particular events or celebrations, with the delightful result that it may thus freely affiliate with all of them.
Behold, I give you: The Party Tree!
Classy and elegant, right?
Plus, if anyone starts singing "O Christmas Tree," I can beat them down with it.
11 comments:
I like this post, but I'm even more thrilled that it's almost time for this year's One Thing!!
Last year's One Thing actually made a cameo appearance in my family's 2010 holiday card photo shoot (but it got cropped out in the final edit, so you'll have to take my word for it).
I'm getting this year's One Thing. I missed out on it before but I'm getting it this time. For sure.
Looks like this baffled Santa enough to confusedly leave his laundry and turn around and leave.
I completely understand your loathing of Christmas carols. I use to not mind them, then I started working at a department store (gotta pay off those loans...ugh) and I am so sick of them. Worse yet, they try to be "trendy" by playing more modern versions of Christmas carols, but it just makes me want to rip my ears off even more.
You're right, and nothing shouts "class and elegance" like a ficus awkwardly covered in LED lights.
by the way, have you ever noticed that if you look directly into the green and blue LED lights you go blind for a few hours/have a seizure?
maybe that is just me...
Heeey I was at your house when you put up that tree! Hehe...that's not creepy...
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you actually looked much better in those lights than that poor tree does.
I've never seen anything classier or elegant-er.
I'm also beginning to wonder if the actual reason you posted that photo was to nonchalantly prove to your readers that you do, in fact, play the guitar/small cello/giant violin.
Hey man; Don't be talking about scroogin' my mom dude. Franz Gruber you! Large Louie
I am still SO SAD INSIDE that I missed last year's Thing because I was lazy or something, I don't know, but I am ALL SET for this year's thing.
I, also, greatly love me some twinkle lights. But not ones that are blinky. I don't know why they are still called twinkle lights if they don't blink. Whatever. As I've gotten older and, *cough* more sophisticated, I actually do love the white lights the mostest, because they are elegant and classy, whatever, I have a strand in my living room because I can, dammit.
I like the party tree. I wish I could have a freaking tree but knowing my cat, I'd end up with a tragic real-life enactment of Christmas Vacation and nobody needs that.
sami - We're always willing to take other people's word when it comes to flattery.
Taylor - Best of luck to ye. A positive attitude definitely helps.
steve.rood - I think that's quite enough editorializing out of you, sir.
Roscoe Jenkins - My heart and ears go out to anyone working in retail this time of year.
Stella - Awkwardly? How dare you! (I'll be trying that seizure thing momentarily. Please stay tuned.)
Anonymous - That seems at least a little creepy.
Molly - I'll take your word for it.
krdugan - That's where I keep my machine guns, actually.
Large Louie - That's low. I'm not even going to stoop to a Mannheim Steamroller comeback.
Kelly L - Anyone who has lights -- especially non-twinkling twinkles -- in their living room is a-ok in my book.
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